Q&A: Hurting Feelings

Q: My fiancee and I are on a tight budget, but we have several close friends plus siblings.  I have 4 best friends from high school (all in a tight knit group) and 2 close friends from college, as well as a sister and future sister-in-law.  I can't imagine not including them all, but I imagine that's going to get very expensive. Any suggestions?

A: Having 8 bridesmaids and groomsmen will definitely cost you- from the size of the limo, to the time needed from the photographer, to the bouquets, bridesmaid luncheon, and wedding party gifts.  One way to handle this without hurting anyone's feelings is to only include your sister and sister in law as the bridesmaids and find other ways for your friends to have a small part.

In your situation, I wouldn't be able to choose between any of those friends, but as long as none of them were individually left out, they should understand.  You can ask them to do a reading, share some of their talents (if any of them sing, enjoy photography or videography, etc), help with giving out programs, bringing up the gifts if it's in a church, etc.  You could even ask these girls to wear a certain color/style dress and sit in the front row to make them feel included and know that they're special to you.

Photo Credit: http://www.lusterstudios.com/images/stephaniemike/sister-reading-wedding-ceremony-church.jpg

If you only have 2 bridesmaids who are family, you are covering your bases of anyone's feelings being hurt.  It's obviously something you had to do to keep the wedding smaller and not an issue of them being a good enough or close enough friend.  I would only worry if you started splitting hairs over including some of these friends and not others.  Making the wedding party significantly smaller is a much safer- and cheaper- bet.

The Intimate Wedding Party

One of the factors that can push that wedding budget over the top is something that most people don't even take into consideration.  You've cut out the videographer, made your own favors, set the event earlier in the day, etc... but did you ever think about making your wedding party smaller so you could splurge somewhere else?

I can't tell you how many times I hear brides talk about feeling "obligated" to have certain people as their bridesmaids.  Before you know it, they have 8 or more girls marching down the aisle with them.  I know because I was one of them!  You're not obligated to do anything on your day- only what you want to do.  If you cut your wedding party to 2 or 3 bridesmaids (including the maid of honor), people will understand that you are only including your absolute closest friends/family and they won't be offended.

Photo Credit: http://image3.examiner.com/images/blog/EXID10494/images/David_s_Bridal.jpg

Here's how you'll save:

• wedding party gifts (typically, people spend $30-100 on each bridesmaid)

• limo (instead of getting a stretch limo for 20 people, now you can get a smaller one for 8)

• flowers (a bridesmaid bouquet typically costs between $75-150)

• photographer (the more people in the wedding party, the more variety of shots and angles the photographer has to take.  I'm not talking about money on this one, but more the amount of time you have to spend away from your event to get all those shots)

• rehearsal dinner (less heads to pay for)

All costs aside, making your wedding party more intimate means more quality time with the people who are most important to you and less running around trying to get everyone doing what they need to be doing.  It's really less of a headache and more of a good time if you don't have to worry about dealing with a huge wedding party.